I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
