I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
