I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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