I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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