Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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