Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
