She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
