i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
