I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
