yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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