I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
