im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
