Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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