a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
