maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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