if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
