Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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