: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
