You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
