Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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