Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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