He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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