I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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