i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
