I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
