i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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