Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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