I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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