**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
