her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
