Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you have to choose: penises or morals?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
