He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
