i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
