I am in a vortex of obligation.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
