I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
