why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
