My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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