New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
