We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This house was built for laser tag.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
