Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
