the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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