there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
