Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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