I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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