just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
