3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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