He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
