i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
