I showed him my bush... on skype.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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