I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
